What’s the difference?

What do you see as the difference between cuckolding and hotwifing? In my opinion, the hotwife lifestyle is more of a husband watching and wanting his woman to have sex with as many people as she desires. No humiliation, no angst, just the hotness that is an insatiable woman enjoying the physical pleasures of other men. He also probably has sex with her just as much as she’s fucking other guys! A cuckolding lifestyle is very similar to the hotwifing lifestyle in regards to the woman having as much sex as she wants, but the feelings of angst can be strong, humiliation is usually there on some level, and sometimes there are other fetishes such as chastity or interracial or feminization thrown in the mix. Cuckolds don’t always have the privilege of having sex with their Cuckoldress, either.

Do couples start at one end and progress to the other? Sometimes. I’ve had quite a few folks tell me that they started off on the hotwifing end of this, then it evolved into a cuckolding situation. I don’t really have anyone that has told me they went the reverse direction, but I have spoken to a number of cucks that are still allowed sex with their partner, when and if his Cuckoldress says so.

I read somewhere on a message board, “If you can still call the shots and ‘put the genie back into the bottle’, it’s a hotwife scene. If she rules her sex life, you’re a cuck.” To some extent, that’s true. I think regardless, it’s difficult to cork the genie. Once this door has been opened, it’s hard to forget about. If you’ve been having incredible sexual experiences why give it up? I think that’s part of the reason some hotwife couples end up cuckolding instead.

Enough of MY thoughts, what are yours? What separates a hotwifing couple from a cuckolding couple? Have you, or someone you know, went from one end of this to the other?

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Explicit.

Friday (which was Friday the 13th and yes, I’m slightly superstitious) was not my best day.  Instead of dwelling on the trivial things, I am now going to pick your brains.  Haha, much better than eating your brains, no?  Not a zombie Jinxy today.

From time to time, my Cuckolding 101 videos get pulled from whatever site they’re on (previously YouTube, then some other site, currently Vimeo).  They now have my account (which I’ve had for like 3 years) under review.  Apparently the 101s they pulled were marked “pornography or sexually explicit material”.

I asked the question over Twitter, do you all consider the Cuckolding 101 videos to be pornography? Sexually explicit material?  After posting the question I looked up the definition of sexually explicit, just to see if I was missing something (because there’s no need to check the definition of porn – it is what it is).  Apparently explicity is more than just nudity or sex.  It’s also about the descriptions, writings, etc of sexual activity or anything sexually related (depending on who’s definition you want to look at).

I guess by that definition, I have created something that’s borderline sexually explicit.

I don’t go overboard or in depth and talk about penetration, full on fucking or even oral sex, but I have briefly talked about that and so much more.  I think more often than not though, I’m talking about the situations, the thoughts and feelings behind all of this.  Answering questions or addressing concerns of viewers or email senders… not describing my latest hot date with a well-hung stud!

It puzzles me why someone would flag and remove these videos, although most of the time I just chalk any complaints up to people not understanding the cuckolding lifestyle.  People tend to fear what they don’t understand.  They don’t want to open their minds and at least concede that other people feel and live differently than them –and that it’s OK.  I’m also a bit unsure now of how to argue my case. They are giving me the option of telling them why I think these videos were removed in error, but … well, as I pointed out earlier, I may be breaking the rules of what THEY consider to be sexually explicit.  So many people have used these videos to help their spouse/family understand what cuckolding is, even if they never go through with it.  Some have used them as a way to learn more and find new questions to ask.  Others simply enjoy watching them to hear what I’m going to talk about this time.

Personally, when I first started out in cuckolding, I wish there had been someone really speaking about what happens, how you don’t have to follow one person’s idea of what cuckolding is to do it – it can be what you and your partner want it to be!  Instead it took lots of talking with hubby and reading highly fetishized blogs and message board posts before I figured it out.  I read as many “real” articles on cuckolding as I could.  Heck, I read everything.  Then I wanted to speak my mind a little… tell people how cuckolding has changed me personally (for the better, in my opinion) and how much stronger I feel my relationship is with my husband.  I sat down in front of the camera (nervous as heck for a while, then it became just something that I did and didn’t really think about) and let the words come out.  Just speaking up, what’s on my mind, or eventually what someone had emailed and asked.  That turned into more emails with more questions, and so on.  Now, Cuckolding 101 is its own monster, a video that I like to do at least 2-4 times a month to talk with everyone participating in or curious about the cuckolding community.

I guess now the question is, do I try to get them reinstated, fighting my case with the powers that be at Vimeo (or any of the other similar video sites in the future)? Or do I just host them myself and get rid of the middle-man?

What to do, what to do…

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Sex vs Intimacy – Showdown!

In my members text chat this week  – well, let me go back and say the chat with a website member, since he was the only one to show up – a question came up that I’m still chewing on.  I thought it would make a good blog topic.

The general gist of it is, how can you be in love and not have intimacy?

I was thrown off a bit, but realized that to this person, sex equals intimacy – or at least that was an idea they were having trouble wrapping their head around.  (The chatter admits he doesn’t quite understand cuckolding.)  He was asking how I can truly love my husband, and he love me, when he wasn’t getting sex on a regular basis.

I do not equal sex with intimacy.  Many in cuckolding relationships do not either.

Sex can be purely physical and animalistic.  Being in the moment, knowing what feels good, going further and further until orgasm is achieved… all very fun!  Intimate?  Sure, on some level.  I mean hey, you’re probably stark naked at this point.  But nakedness and orgasms are not the only way to be intimate.

Intimacy is having a close, affectionate, loving relationship.  Taking care of me when I’m sick?  He does that.  Cleaning the kitchen first thing in the morning because I know he’s happier when he gets up and has a clean kitchen to walk through?  I do that for him (most mornings).  Pet names, understanding each other’s weird or warped sense of humor, making his favorite cake every year on his birthday, rubbing my feet when I know it makes his hands hurt – these are all things we do because we LOVE each other.  Sure, couples in love have sex.  But sex is not always seen as the only act of intimacy.  Paying attention, knowing what the other one wants or needs without saying a word, and sometimes even finishing their sentences… that seems pretty intimate to me.

What about you?  Do you equate sex and intimacy?

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Hello? *silence*

There are times when we go out on a limb just to be left hanging. It could be by someone we’ve never met, or by a bull we’ve been with multiple times.

There’s a lot of time taken in getting to know someone. Emailing, instant messaging, texting, talking… We make the plans to meet, moving things around on our calendars and at times even getting out of previous commitments (even our jobs) to make the meeting work. When we get completely blown off, a total no-show with no explanation, it really dampens our mood (not to mention, we could be losing money because of it). Some women don’t even want to pursue this further because they were burned once or twice.

What’s the deal, guys? Not man enough to finish what you started? Sure, some are in this just for the game, the thrill of seeing how far they can take it without actually following through. Sometimes we get played. That’s just a part of this. But honestly, when you put a lot of effort into getting to know this person, finally making real plans to meet, just to have it fall through? It’s a huge let-down. Women who have gone through this time and time again just don’t want to put up with it anymore. It’s not worth the effort and getting their hopes up, just to be dropped without a second thought.

I think it’s worse when you’ve already been with the guy(s) a time or two. You get along great, you have good chemistry. The sex is hot!! They know about the cuckolding situation and while they may not fully understand it, they’re up for sex with a hotwife. …then all of a sudden, the trail runs cold. No responses to any texts or emails. Unanswered phone calls. What happened?

It could have been any number of things, really. Maybe the reality of the situation finally sunk in and they just couldn’t understand why anyone would want to be part of a cuckolding relationship. (Hey, some people just DON’T get it.) Perhaps they feared the Cuckoldress would want something more from him and he just couldn’t handle the thoughts of being someone that broke up a happy marriage. Was the cuckold in the room? Maybe the bull didn’t like having an audience? Anyway, whatever the problem is/was, it would be nice to get some kind of explanation. Even if no explanation is given, a simple “Thanks, but no thanks” would be better than being left to sit and wait and wonder.

What do you do when and if this guy makes a return appearance into your life? (Heck, I’ve had some try to come back months, even years down the road like nothing’s happened!) I’d try to be very clear about the fact that you don’t appreciate the way things went down last time, and hopefully you’ll get an explanation as to what really happened – I wouldn’t hold my breath though. Sometimes they just aren’t going to tell you.

Unfortunately, this is life. We have to put up with let-downs all the time. Hopefully you’ve developed a method of dealing with these guys. Most of this is still trial and error though. Just keep on with what feels right, and what has brought you the most success. The guys that are worth the trouble won’t be so troublesome in the first place. ;)

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Doing things for one, but not the other.

There are some things a Cuckoldress will do for her bull or lover that she certainly won’t do for her cuckold husband or boyfriend. In fact, she probably doesn’t give it a second thought.

Perhaps in the early days before a couple began their cuckolding adventures, the man and woman had their fun experimenting with different things. After the onset of cuckolding, and experiencing incredible sex with men, she desired sex with her cuck less and less, and the natural progression of things meant that she wasn’t as excited about the reclaiming sex or doing special things such as oral and anal with cucky.

Some people on the outside of this lifestyle would assume that is a bad thing. How dare she not give her cuckold the same treatment she gives her bulls! The fact of the matter is, cuckolds take that jealousy and turn it into excitement. They envy the bull for being lucky enough to have his wife’s lips wrapped around his cock, or for being man enough to take his wife anally, things that cucky may or may not have ever been able to receive or do with his lady.

A Cuckoldress may also enjoy pointing out how her cuckold is denied such pleasures, making it even more intense for the cuck. A bull looking at the cuck with that knowing look, or even telling him how good it feels when his wife does (whatever it is she’s doing at the time) could send him over the edge! In a good way, of course.

Denying cucks is absolutely another fetish that is thrown into cuckolding. Sometimes we do it because we enjoy the jealousy and the way it makes our cuck act. Other times, we don’t realize we’re denying him; we just go with what we like and what we want to happen. We don’t want to give cucky oral because his cock is too small? Then we just won’t! That’s how it goes.
;)

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She’s out! …but for how long?

When a Cuckoldress is out with one of her bulls, what’s an appropriate length of time for their visit?  An evening out, where she returns at the end of the night?  An overnight adventure – but at who’s place?  The entire weekend with her fuck buddy?  A vacation away with her lover?!

The answer is, yes.  Yes, to any or all of the above.  But Jinxy, that answer doesn’t make any sense! Explain yourself?  Ultimately the Cuckoldress needs to decide what length of time she wishes to spend with her guys.  In some cases, the bull is in charge, but most of the time it’s left up to the Cuckoldress to decide.  We occasionally like to get input from our cucks, see how he’d feel about us being gone for a certain period of time.  Honey,(guy of the day) asked if I wanted to stay over at his place tonight.  I’d love to, I can have a few extra drinks, not worry about coming back home so late… what do you think?  Obviously she’s letting you know what she wants to do.  She’s also asking YOU how you’d feel about it.  Believe it or not, cucky, most of the time we’re just as concerned about how you are doing with cuckolding as we’re concerned with ourselves.  (Sure, occasionally you find the woman that’s so wrapped up in herself that she cares about no one else…) If you’re not comfortable with a certain situation, speak up!  It’ll save some angst and hurt feelings later on.

I think a really important question to ask is, how long have you known this guy?  How does he treat the lovely Cuckoldress?  If it’s a first meeting I certainly would not stay overnight, but that’s just my rule.  If you’ve known the guy for months or even years, you know what kind of a guy he is.  Is he trustworthy?  Would he take care of the precious lady (in every sense of the word)?  If the answer is yes all around, then why not go with the flow?  Let her stay with him as long as she’d like!  She’ll periodically check in with you, probably tell you where she is exactly just in case you need her.

Aside from her being away from home and having fun, the cuckold’s mind will be in overdrive wondering what’s going on, waiting for any hint of an idea from her.  Sending cucky a text message or even a picture of anything from the night of fun with her bull will definitely have cucky ready to explode with excitement!  Pacing the floor, wondering exactly when his love will return so she can tell him all about her fun time.  Can’t you see how Cuckoldress spending a little time with her bull could benefit you both? ;)

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Talk of love and sharing.

Falling in love.  One of the best feelings in the world, right?  Knowing you’ve found a person that makes you swoon in ways you never thought you could…

What do you do when it’s not only your husband/boyfriend, but one of your bulls?!  A fuck buddy that has developed into something more?  Can you have a successful polyamorous relationship?  Sure, if you work hard at it.  Is it a good idea?  That’s entirely up to you and your guys.

Why am I even talking about this?

A woman asked if it is considered abnormal if she loves her bull.  Abnormal?  To what/whom?

There are so many different ways that cuckolding couples live their lifestyle.  Some want their bulls to be their physical fuck buddy only.  No emotions, just sex.  Physical pleasures.  Others want to have the romance, the attraction on multiple levels.  Chemistry.  They need to have feelings for the guy they’re about to fuck.  Who is to say that one way is right and the other is wrong?

A cuck and his Cuckoldress need to have great communication.  I’ve said that from the start.  If you’re not telling the other what you need, how can you make it happen?  How do you know if everyone is on the same page?  What if she wants the stud to come please her and then leave, but her cuck wants to see her starry-eyed over the man that can make her cum seven times in a half hour?  Some men could care less how she’s getting fucked, they just want to be cuckolded.  Others have really strong desires and fantasies on how they want this to play out.  Same goes for women, if they absolutely NEED that spark and courting before love-making, or if they simply want to find a guy and fuck his brains out then move on – she needs to be clear to her cuck.

Back to the original question.  Is it abnormal to love your bull?  Nope.  I would make sure your cuck knows how much you love HIM, too.  How happy you are with him, and that you two are so secure and brave enough to try adding other people into your sexual lifestyle.  It’s important to share that with him.  ;)

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